Dir: Teddy Page (as Jason Lowe?!?)
Release Date: 1992
“Billy is tricked into fighting for a gangster to raise money for his sister’s operation. After his death, Billy’s friend, David, must avenge him!”
Billed as King of the Kickboxers 2, this film is a phenomenal piece of shit in every way. As enjoyable as a kick in the dick! *Spoilers galore*
Firstly, this has nothing to do with amazing King of the Kickboxers movie apart from having Loren Avedon in it. I love the first film and you know it is featured on this website somewhere.
There is also another film claiming to be a sequel and that also has nothing to do with the first one (American Shaolin: King of the Kickboxers 2). It’s not often a film gets more than one ‘Part 2’ sequels and even more rare for them both to have nothing to do with the first at all. Such is the importance of the original KOTK! Billy Blanks is sadly not in either of the sequels.
The picture quality in this is grainy, the sound is 'bathroom' quality at best, the story is ridiculous, the soundtrack is intrusive and jarring and the acting is awful. All of this can be excused if the fight scenes are worthwhile, right?
Well, no such luck here.
The fight scenes, though numerous and frequent, are also shit with kicks noticeably missing and much needless spinning. Thankfully, there are sound effects galore and many awful (felt-tip bruises and cuts) injuries which just appear and disappear at random.
The story?
Well, there is a young guy called Billy who seems to spend all his time at a gym practising Martial Arts. You know he’s a good guy because he rescues someone from some hoodlums.
Billy has a sister. Judith. She walks across the wrong part of town and is subsequently attacked after she meets a gang who were just sitting and talking until she walked into their turf. They seemingly have no choice really but to try to rape her.
She bangs her head. She naturally goes blind.
Billy is not very happy about that and swears vengeance.
First, he must find enough money for Judith to have an operation. He is contacted by the mobster, Russel, so he can compete in underground fights for money. Now, Russel’s brother Tony is the one who attempted to rape Judith. On Russel’s say so! Seems a needlessly elaborate way to get Billy to fight for him, but it appears to have worked.
After a few fights, Billy has had enough so he quits. Russell then just has him killed thus blowing away the whole, complicated set up to get him to fight for him in the first place! Billy’s death is also a totally unnecessarily complicated and public plan of dragging him through the streets behind 2 cars!
Still, it sends a message I guess. Billy has a friend. David. David has already been involved, particularly in an awful attempt at comedy during a superfluous bar fight where he pretends he is not fighting by nonchalantly kicking and punching people and then fixing his hair, tossing his jacket over his shoulder, looking in the mirror, and messing with his sunglasses. In fact, I am getting pissed off again just writing about that scene.
Anyway, immediately after his death, and reminiscent of the hilarious film, ‘No Retreat, No Surrender’, Billy appears as a ghost asking David to avenge him. When I say immediately after his death, I mean it. It isn’t established if David even knows Billy is dead when his ghost turns up so it could just be his buddy turning up in his apartment for a beer or something.
Regardless, David obviously also swears vengeance. He swears it in an amazing internal monologue whilst looking into the distance at Billy’s funeral.
He enlists the help of Billy’s kickboxing trainer, Murphy. Murphy appears to be played by another man in one scene but nobody notices.
Murphy is kidnapped!
Blind Judith is kidnapped!
David is so clueless about what to do that he asks dead Billy to guide him. A photo of dead Billy falls off the dresser and David somehow now knows where they are being held.
Having trained for about a 2 minute montage, David is now a kickboxing machine and is ready to singlehandedly storm the bad guys’ hideout.
He manages to beat up many henchmen, who wait patiently for their beatings, throwing some from buildings in great slow motion so they can do the A-Team arm flap as they fall. Russel is defeated by a clever combo of both David and Murphy (who is chained up but still able to assist with some kicks).
With David distracted by the whole roster of the Henchmen Direct company and his brother, Tony decides now is a good time to try to rape the sister again and a totally ridiculous fight ensues ending when David flips him over and Tony somehow lands in a wheelbarrow.
David runs with this wheelbarrow in slow motion shouting, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!", and puts him through a brick wall.
David, Judith and Murphy walk off together only to find Tony is not dead as he attacks them again. How they failed to see him is a mystery as he emerges from right behind them meaning they would have walked past him.
David chokes Tony to death very easily and it is all over.
Judith is no longer blind.
She, David and Murphy visit dead Billy’s grave. David has another internal monologue about meeting up with Billy again after death. He smiles to himself, waves to the others and the film just instantly ends.
Quite remarkable how they made this to be so shit in every way.
Recommended!
FAVOURITE CHARACTER: Tony for his over the top bad guy buffoonery
FAVOURITE MOMENT: Slo-mo wheelbarrow run accompanied by “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
FAVOURITE LINE:
Tony (regarding raping Judith after knocking her out): “Well, let’s get started while she’s still warm." (lots of villainous laughter)
FAVOURITE DEATH: Billy being dragged by 2 cars and then headbutting another one.